04/19/2015  
The Strain: The Complete First Season on Blu-ray & DVD Jun 9A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night on Blu-ray & DVD Apr 21Science Fiction Theatre: The Complete Series on DVD May 12Rogue: Complete Second Season on DVD May 19That Man from Rio (1964) & Up to His Ears (1965) on Blu-ray & DVD Apr 4Masterpiece Mystery: Grantchester on Blu-ray & DVD Apr 7Interstellar on Blu-ray Combo Pack, DVD and On Demand Mar 31

follow us on twitter

dOc on facebook

NE News Editor

Rita Wilson diagnosed with breast cancer ...
Suzanne Somers on elimination from 'Dancing With The St...
The Strain: The Complete First Season on Blu-ray & DVD ...
20 of the Most Hated Women in Hollywood...
DWTS' Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Meryl Davis: Reunited and...
Barry Manilow Marries Manager Garry Kief ...
Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk Were the Stars of Robe...
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night on Blu-ray & DVD Apr 2...
James Best dies at 88; actor played sheriff in 'Dukes o...
Big Bang Theory: Christine Baranski, Laurie Metcalf Ret...



Share: email   Print      Technorati.gif   StumbleUpon.gif   MySpace   digg.gif delicious.gif   google.gif   magnolia.gif   facebook.gif
Permalink: Permalink.gif



Buy from Amazon

Buy from Amazon.com

Artisan Home Entertainment presents
Miami Models (1994)

Girl #1: You've never modeled before?
Girl #2: Nooooooo.

Girl #1: That's all right, we'll teach you, right girls?
Additional Girls: (Assorted vacuous giggling)

- nameless actresses (identities withheld so they might work again)

Review By: Jeff Rosado   
Published: November 10, 2003

Stars: Jeff Mustard, Gregory Van Dam, Christine Jakobi, Ute WeigelJennifer Langdon, Marita Makonnen, Kelly Rizzo
Other Stars: P.C. Martinez, Gregg Hood, Chris Djakian, Jeff Gawley, Alain De Grelle, Joe L. Stone, Danny Nweeia
Director: Paul Madden

Manufacturer: Care Ware
MPAA Rating: Not Rated for (language, nudity, sexual situations, crude humor)
Run Time: 01h:30m:37s
Release Date: September 23, 2003
UPC: 012236140856
Genre: comedy


Style
Grade
Substance
Grade
Image Transfer
Grade
Audio Transfer
Grade
Extras
Grade
D- D-B-B- D-

DVD Review

In my favorite Mel Brooks movie, High Anxiety, there's a gut-busting scene involving character actor Dick Van Patten. Somehow trapped inside his car, the dashboard stereo suddenly takes on a life of its own. With the volume going way past "11" all on its own, all remnants of the occupant's eardrums are shredded and our cinematic good guy suffers an unjust demise. Now, transfer that scenario to a helpless DVD reviewer forced to witness a so-called comedic sex romp gone so horribly bad that it makes the humor writers at Maxim look like creative geniuses.

Based on an opera by composer Louis Du Pont (this has to be a joke... please, for the love of God, tell me it is a joke!), Miami Models is an excruciatingly painful, laugh strained, annoying bully of a movie that wants so badly to please along the lines of Andy Sidaris fare. Instead, it leaves such a bad aftertaste that I'm seriously contemplating a nationwide movement to call for the re-evaluation of the works of Ed Wood.

As best as I can remember or ascertain, the plot involves a disgruntled chauffer who takes to the land of Ocean Drive in Miami to pay a surprise visit to his college-age son who's working as an assistant for a modeling agency. Turns out Sonny Jim is suffering gig aggravations in much the same fashion as his old man. So they both come up with a brilliant idea: Why not start up their very own modeling agency? Yeah, that'll show their underpaying, obnoxious scumbag bosses! Our "uproarious" leads go off to the local airport where they await the arrival of gorgeous babes and offer them rides into Beach City. (Isn't this why they invented stalker laws?)

All right, I know. Perhaps I'm being a little too rough on this type of film; I mean, we're not talking Renoir's Grand Illusion here. Movies like Miami Models exist solely for the titillation factor, not to stimulate all parts of your brain. However, it doesn't even rise to that level of enjoyment, not even after the easy on the eyes female contingent dominates the second half (saving us from further harm from the humor-challenged father-son team). Although it's probably difficult to accomplish in a "seen-it-all" era such as ours, there was a period when exploitation (or shall we call them sexploitation?) movies could function on both the stimulation and wit levels (Jack Hill's Swinging Cheerleaders, Foxy Brown), but such qualities are nowhere to be found in this train wreck of creative ineptitude.

Rating for Style: D-
Rating for Substance: D-

 

Image Transfer

 One
Aspect Ratio1.33:1 - Full Frame
Original Aspect Ratioyes
Anamorphicyes


Image Transfer Review: An almost typical Artisan transfer with the usual hallmarks of compression and grain, but not too annoying. Colors are fairly consistent, although there are moments when iffy fleshtones come into play, but these are issues with the film itself and not the digital presentation.

Image Transfer Grade: B-

 

Audio Transfer

 LanguageRemote Access
DS 2.0Englishyes


Audio Transfer Review: Average is the word for this mix. Adequate separation, bass levels acceptable, but in all honesty, the end result is reminiscent of portable FM radio circa 1989.

Audio Transfer Grade: B-

 

Disc Extras

Static menu
Scene Access with 10 cues
1 Disc
1-Sided disc(s)
Layers: single

Extras Review: Models did accomplish one thing on a positive level for me. At least there were no menus on this disc to navigate, which enabled me to save about 20-30 seconds of my time.

Extras Grade: D-

 

Final Comments

If all you want is to gawk at scantily (and sometimes un-scantily) clad beach honeys for 90 minutes, you should not hesitate in making a run for Miami Models.

 


Back to top

Search 10,000+ titles:

or Advanced Search

DVD REVIEW ARCHIVE


Get FREE Shipping on all orders at TimeLife.com! - 120x90

 



Microsoft Store

Keywords

celebrity, rita wilson, tom hanks, fish in the dark, larry david, television, abc, dancing with the stars, suzanne somers, tony dovolani, suzanne sizzles, horror, movies, angelina jolie, gwyneth paltrow, leann rimes, katherine heigl, jennifer lopez, photos, sway: a dance trilogy, maksim chmerkovskiy, meryl davis, music, barry manilow, gary kief, married, copacabana, brad falchuck, robert downey jr., glee, chris martin, jennifer lawrence, james best, died, sheriff rosco p. coltrane, the twilight zone, andy griffith show, gunsmoke, dukes of hazzard, big bang theory, christine baranski, laurie metcalf, sci-fi, kim kardashian north west, keeping up with the kardashians, kanye west, drama, joni mitchell, morgellons, joni mitchell: in her own words, mary leitao, comedy, cynthia lennon, john lennon, cancer, julian lennon, paul mccartney, ringo starr, movie, furious 7, paul walker, james wan, universal pictures, mystery, rolling stones, 15-city tour, keith richards, mick jagger, ronnie wood, charlie watts, san diego, cable, comedy channel, daily show, jon stewart, trevor noag, musical, one direction, zayn malik quits, 2015 lollapalooza, florence and the machine, sam smith, metallica, charlotte mckinney, keo motsepe, redfoo, rumer willis, valchmerkovskiy, action, the walking dead, noah, aiden, deanna, father gabriel, rick, carol, crime

On Kindle!
On Facbook!
digitallyOBSESSED!
digitallyOBSESSED!
Promote Your Page Too

Visit:

Zarabesque.com

Original Magic Dress.com

Susti Heaven

Become a Reviewer | Search | Review Vault | Reviewers
Readers | Webmasters | Privacy | Contact
Microsoft Store