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MTI Home Video presents
Revamped (2007)

"Come back undead. Get my revenge."
- Richard (Jeff Rector)

Review By: Rich Rosell   
Published: February 18, 2008

Stars: Jeff Rector
Other Stars: Fred Williamson, Billy Drago, Martin Kove, Carel Struycken, Alana Curry, Kaeto Kaelin, Anne Lockhart, Sam J. Jones, Vernon Wells, Tane McClure, Allison McCurdy, James Callis, Dennis Haskins
Director: Jeff Rector

MPAA Rating: R for violence, some language and sexuality
Run Time: 01h:32m:43s
Release Date: February 19, 2008
UPC: 039414881738
Genre: horror


Style
Grade
Substance
Grade
Image Transfer
Grade
Audio Transfer
Grade
Extras
Grade
F FC-C- F

DVD Review

Please don't be fooled by the lure of an intriguingly odd cast list—Fred Williamson, Christa Campbell, Billy Drago, Carel Struycken—in this dreadful vampire/horror/comedy from director Jeff Rector. Revamped is a painfully unfunny exercise that tries to be clever, but only ends up being awkwardly awful for a very long 90 minutes. Rector wrote and stars in this one as well, so on the short list of guilty parties his name pretty much sits there all alone.

Rector plays Richard, a man with an unfaithful wife who responds to a late night infomercial promising a new lease on an undead life, via Kiss Of Death, Inc. His plans don't quite go according to plan, but after spending five years in an urn as a pile of ashes in the unscrupulous funeral home Coffin Stuffers, he is somehow "revamped" after a pair of cultists cause a little trouble of their own. Richard then begins his search for the sexy vampire that turned him, only to run across snuff films, Kato Kaelin, a vampire survivor support group, and a batch of vamp hunters.

But enough about the plot, because I don't even want to waste your time describing the awfulness, and I can only implore you NOT to see this movie. Heed my words. OK?

It's unfortunate that Rector couldn't muster up the goods here, because the genre could certainly use a mocking punch in the arm. But this isn't it. Not by a longshot.There is nothing funny or scary about this at any point. It is a sloppy project that wastes the immutable B-talents of Williamson, Campbell, and Struycken, amongst others, and wanders aimlessly, operating under the assumption that funny names, smarmy narration, and tired vampire jokes are key to making an enjoyable film. Because they're not.

I don't usually hate movies as much as I hate this one.

Rating for Style: F
Rating for Substance: F

 

Image Transfer

 One
Aspect Ratio1.85:1 - Widescreen
Original Aspect Ratioyes
Anamorphicno


Image Transfer Review: I do hope the screener copy sent by MTI is not representative of the final street print. Presented in 1.85:1 nonanamorphic widescreen, Revamped has a smeary color palette with overly hot fleshtones and a general veneer of grain and blobby edges.

Not very nice.

Image Transfer Grade: C-

 

Audio Transfer

 LanguageRemote Access
DS 2.0Englishno


Audio Transfer Review: Only one audio option, and it's 2.0 surround. It's a fairly uneventful blend, one that provides clear voice quality but not much else to speak of.

Audio Transfer Grade: C-

 

Disc Extras

Static menu
Scene Access with 1 cues
Packaging: Amaray
Picture Disc
1 Disc
1-Sided disc(s)
Layers: single

Extras Review: The screener copy had no menu, no chapter stops, no extras whatsoever. Your street version mileage may vary.

Extras Grade: F

 

Final Comments

A batch of familiar faces can do nothing to help salvage this unfunny mess.

Awful. Just plain awful.

 


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