Artisan Home Entertainment presents
Da Hip Hop Witch (2000)
Someone—or something—is attacking hip-hop artists in New York. One year later, their stories are found.- promotional tagline
Stars: Eminem, Ja Rule
Other Stars: Vanila Ice, Pras
Director: Dale Resteghini
MPAA Rating: R for language, sexual content
Run Time: 01h:29m:42s
Release Date: 2000-08-08
Genre: suspense thriller
DVD ReviewAs if the title Da Hip Hop Witch were not enough to send one into a fit of laughter, the film itself turns out to be the funniest motion picture I have seen in years. Before anyone thinks that the previous statement is intended to be read as complimentary, allow me to rephrase: Da Hip Hop Witch is in fact the funniest film I have seen in ages, only it is not in any way intentionally so.
A blatant rip off of The Blair Witch Project, Da Hip Hop Witch originally came to life in 2000, but has now been resurrected thanks to the sudden surge in movies featuring rap stars. The film (calling this train wreck a film is stretching the laws of credibility) deals with a supposed witch that is terrorizing the stars of hip hop music in New York. In the style of The Blair Witch Project, a group of five white kids hopes to prove the attacks are a hoax and reap the large reward put forth by the record company representing the missing artists. At the same time, a journalist (Stacii Jae Johnson) is investigating the phenomenon of the witch. Is there a hip hop witch? Is it just an elaborate stunt designed by record companies to help to sell records? Does anyone really even care? (No.)
There is no redeeming Da Hip Hop Witch, though the sheer ridiculousness of the film is unparalleled. The sequences involving the artists seem to be nothing more than a hastily assembled collection of foul mouthed rap stars rambling endlessly about the witch while inebriated, intoxicated, or otherwise. This could all be taken as good campy fun but it seems as though Da Hip Hop Witch was taken as a serious endeavor by director and screenwriter Dale Resteghini.
Resteghini’s script is really not much of a script at all. The interview sequences with the featured rap stars feel improvised and, as a result, are simply ludicrous. The inclusion of a detailed account of what the witch does to the rappers is not scary, though it is disgusting and inappropriate. Resteghini does not fare any better behind the camera—his visual style is obnoxiously kinetic, but lacks any sort of coherence in terms of editing and camerawork.
The most horrifying aspect of Da Hip Hop Witch is not anything that the witch supposedly does or did. It is either the appearance of Vanilla Ice (too cold, too cold—he really is still alive!), or the epitaph that proclaims that the story shall be continued. It's enough to make me hide under my bed for weeks and weeks.
Wisely, Eminem went to court to block the release of Da Hip Hop Witch after the film was edited to include more of the rap superstar. The disc was subsequently pulled from distribution, leaving only a few lucky reviewers to tell the tale. I can see it now: coming soon, "The Reviewers who Endured Utter Garbage and Were Forced to Write About It Project." Now that is a movie I would pay to see.
Rating for Style: D
Rating for Substance: F
|Aspect Ratio||1.33:1 - Full Frame|
|Original Aspect Ratio||no|
Image Transfer Review: A full frame transfer is offered on Da Hip Hop Witch and it is simply a mess. Colors are blurred and show no amount of vibrancy while the image is frequently soft, causing it to appear murky. Sharpness and detail are both at the bottom of the barrel, and I noticed several instance of pixilation and edge enhancement
Image Transfer Grade: C-
Audio Transfer Review: The Dolby Surround is essentially mono, as the center speaker is the only channel that receives a large amount of activity. Dialogue sounds flat and garbled throughout and the left and right speakers provide only mild ambient support.
Audio Transfer Grade: D+
Disc ExtrasStatic menu with music
Scene Access with 12 cues and remote access
Extras Review: No extra features are provided. Dat's whack!
Extras Grade: D-
Final CommentsRun. Run far, far away, to a place where Da Hip Hop Witch will never find you and make you watch itself.
Kevin Clemons 2003-07-24